i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
