So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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