I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
