It's Friday. Sex?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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