and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
