I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
