forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Shame - the story of my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
