I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
