just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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