Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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