I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
