im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
