I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
