before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
