I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
