is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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