i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
