i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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