im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
