So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Let's paint friendship bongs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
