Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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