There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
