That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
