Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
