if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
