I just saw a hot homeless man
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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