Your dad touched me again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
