I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
