Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
