I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
