Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
