Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
