i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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