Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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