You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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