none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
