tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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