Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
