Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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