Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
