It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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