Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
