Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
