I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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