So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the condom got lost in my hair
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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