Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
