Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
