You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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