i permit you to call me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
