And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
