I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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