fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
