someone threw a dead crab at me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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