I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
