you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
